Hard To Find
by L'amoureuse
Summary: Lily Evans and her best friend Arabella Figg were often noted as brilliant and beautiful loners. Golden boy James Potter and his best friends were always in the center of attention. How did they fall in love? AU. L/J, SB/OC. 7th year.
1. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

Hard To Find

**Hard To Find**

L'amoureuse

Lily Evans and her best friend Arabella Figg were often noted as brilliant and beautiful loners, girls who were mysterious in every way. Golden boy James Potter and his best friends were always in the center of attention. How can these two unlikely characters ever fall in love? Slightly AU.

Chapter 1- Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking

If ten months ago you had told James Potter that he would be standing here right now, he would have laughed in your face.

If seven years ago you had told Lily Evans she would be standing here right now, she would have laughed in your face.

How did two people that were different ever come together in a way so spectacular, so beautiful, and at times so heartbreaking as this?

Let me tell you.

X

'There she is!' A first voice, low and deep to show it was male.

'Who is that?' A second voice, slightly higher pitched; female.

'That's Lily Evans. She's head girl.' The first voice, with a tinge of awe.

'Who?' A question from the second.

'Lily Evans! Come on.' Exasperation. 'You know. The only girl who stands up to the Marauders.'

'Oh! Who's that next to her?'

'Arabella Figg. They are best friends, obviously.' Blatant respect in his tone.

'Why don't they talk to anyone?' Muted awe, again. And an edge of fear, maybe.

'They never do.'

X

'They're talking again, Lily.' The female that had just spoken was shockingly pretty, in a way that made people do double takes. She had bright blue eyes, which she rimmed in kohl to make them brighter. Long and wavy chestnut hair fell to the middle of her back, with heavy bangs covering the side of her face. Tall and skinny, with the kind of body that other girls envy and other boys covet.

'Oh, let them. Why do you even care, Ara? You know that the always do, and always will.' The second girl, all of this said with an extremely bored tone of voice. The second girl, named Lily, is less pretty and more beautiful. The first thing you notice is her physique. Small and slender, she has a body that belongs in a catalogue. Next you notice her hair, which is straight and falls past her shoulders, in a most unusual color. Dark red, almost the color of blood. However, all that fades away when you look into her eyes. The fact that they are almond shaped and heavy lidded does nothing to contain the bright green color.

'Come on Lily, you know that you hate their talking as much as I do. I mean honestly, don't they have anything better to do than sit around critiquing us?'

'No, they don't.'

'Of course we do. What, did you think that you were center of the universe? Oh wait, you do think that.' A new person had joined the duo. He was very tall, with a shock of black hair that seemed purposely mussed. He had deep chocolate brown eyes that were hidden behind a pair of thin glasses.

'Oh look, it's James Potter and he thinks we care about what he's saying. Too bad, all I'm getting is buzzing. What about you, Ara?' Lily stated all of this in a very bored voice and examined her cuticles, only looking up at the end to smirk at James.

'Yep. Definite buzzing.' A smirk at Lily, a glare at James.

'Ladies, let's just admit you can't resist me and move on, shall we?'

'I've already moved on, Potter. To the fact that you were late to the meeting this morning. If I have to present to McGonagall again without you there, you can make your own bloody excuses. I won't do it again.' Again, all of this was said in a bored, cold tone, one that simply yelled '_GET MOVING, RIGHT NOW! A BOMB IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE!'_

'Come on, Lily. We all know that you have such a giant stick up your ass that you would never let McGonagall attend a meeting by herself. Of all of the horrors!' His mocking tone was the thing that seemed to finally snap Lily's bored attitude. When she turned back to him, her eyes were blazing. Rather than run for his life, James had a self-satisfied expression on his face as if he had been waiting for this to happen.

'Potter, just because you're too much of a self-centered prick to care about anything other yourself doesn't mean that people who care automatically have a stick up their ass. If you would pull your head far out of _your_ ass enough to see, maybe you'd notice that this school isn't as in love with you as it used to be. Maybe- just maybe- you'd notice that they've realized what I've known since first year. That you're an overgrown boy who cares more about his hair than what's going on in the real world.' Lily said all of this in a mocking tone, and James's face got steadily stonier with every word.

'Evans, maybe it's time for you to realize what you actually are. You're a stuck-up snob who thinks the world should bow down to her because of a badge on her chest. That badge means nothing. Everyone knows that Dumbledore only gave it to you to show that he supports muggleborns, not because he actually likes you.' James knew he overstepped the line when the last word fell from his lips, especially when he saw the barely restrained look in Lily's eyes.

_CRACK! _The sound echoed through the hallway when Lily's right hand connected with James's cheek.

'James Potter. Thinks he's so high and mighty because of the size of his bank account and the blood running through his veins. You disgust me. You're just as bad as the Slytherins.' With that final insult, she turned on her heel and stalked off, Ara following her after throwing one last dirty look at James.

XXX

'God, he's so frustrating! Argh!' Lily was all but running down the corridor, with Ara next to her.

'What happened to not caring what people said about you?' Ara was the only person who would ever get away with teasing Lily when she was in this mood.

'I don't care what other people say. James Potter- god, it's like he's specially made to drive me crazy.'

The two girls were busy walking up to the Head's dorm, which Lily shared with James. When inside, they shed their jackets, which the brisk winds of October had forced them to don. As Lily unwound her scarf, she continued complaining to Arabella.

'I knew from the moment I met him that we wouldn't get along. What kind of person does what he did in first year? Still, I have no idea why Dumbledore made him Head Boy. That's a crime that hopefully will never be repeated. He doesn't do any of his work, and then he acts like I should kiss his ass for doing it for him.' As Lily said all of this, Ara mouthed it along.

'Lily, I've heard this so often I could recite it. So why not tell it to him instead of to me?'

But both she and Lily knew that Lily wouldn't, so Ara simply made herself comfortable and listened to her friend complain.

XXX

Over in the boy's dorm of Gryffindor tower, a similar situation was occurring.

'Bloody Lily Evans thinks she's so high and mighty. One of these days, I might just hit her.'

James's best friends snickered at his aggravation.

'What'd she do this time?' the first boy that spoke was named Peter Pettigrew. He was small and had quick eyes that shifted nervously. But he was nice enough and despite his faults, he was fiercely loyal to the boys that had saved him from a lifetime of loneliness.

'I can guess.' The second boy was smirking, an expression that would have caused most females to swoon. Sirius Black was tall, gorgeous, and dangerous. Sirius took fierce advantage of that fact, which the female population both acknowledged and ignored.

'What's her problem, anyway?' James tried to sound nonchalant, but his tone showed that he was desperately curious.

'James, Lily Evans is a girl that no bloke will ever understand. I mean yeah, she's gorgeous, but she's also so quiet. And except when she argues with you, she never draws attention to herself. Her and that Arabella girl just go around the school like they own it.'

James shook his head at Sirius's words.

'She's so bloody mysterious. I mean, who the hell is she, really? I know absolutely nothing about her, and I know every Hogwarts student. I know all about Arabella- her dad works with mine- but Evans? Nothing.'

'I'm pretty sure only Arabella knows anything about her. Other than that, she keeps mostly everyone out. They're both brilliant though. Top ten of the year, easily.' The fourth voice belonged to a boy that was lounging on a bed, apart from the heated conversation. Remus Lupin had a peaky air to him, as if he was recovering from a nasty bout of the flu. Despite that, his eyes were kind, and he spoke with a neutral tone.

'That explains why she got Head Girl- Peter, what are you doing? Anyway, like I was saying. Explains why she got Head Girl. She needs to stop yelling at me though. I missed the meeting this morning because I overslept; you were rough last night, Moony.' James smiled at Remus, who flinched slightly.

'No, don't apologize. I was just saying.'

'Well it's not like you can tell her that's why you missed it.' Sirius smiled at James from the bed, a teasing expression on his face. Remus was the one to answer, however.

'Actually, I'm pretty sure she knows.'

Three jaws audibly snapped open.

'What'd you mean, she knows?'

'She's made vague insinuations. Last year, when we patrolled together. And on the night of the full moon, she told me to enjoy the Shrieking Shack when I went to tell her I couldn't patrol because I was sick. I told you she was smart.'

Remus slowly got up and left the room, as the three other boys continued to think fiercely about Lily Evans, the mysterious Head Girl.

X

Lily enjoyed patrol nights, because she enjoyed being alone. She had been alone most of her life, so being alone wasn't a problem. She was a girl who went by herself to restaurants and even to movies. And yes, she loved Arabella, but sometimes she needed to be by herself to think.

That's exactly what she was doing this evening. She didn't know what to make of two things. James Potter, and also the situation outside of the school.

The same morning, after the Head's meeting which Potter hadn't attended because of his late night with Remus- here Lily paused in her musings to wonder, yet again, what the shape of his animagus could be- she had opened her Daily Prophet to a horrifying article.

_DEATH EATER ATTACK ON SMALL SURREY VILLAGE_

Yesterday evening in a quiet wizarding village in Surrey, a Death Eater Attack took place. Not much is currently known in the way of details, but so far there have been 9 deaths and 13 injured. We send our regards to the family of the deceased.

That was it. A small blurb, not more than fifty words, to try and describe the horror of a death eater attack. Lily had seen an attack first-hand, and had read the article about it several days after to find much the same thing. It sickened her to think that people weren't paying more attention. Yes, they lived in the 'Hogwarts Bubble'- as she and Ara called it- but they also had to know what was happening.

And then James Potter's barb this afternoon had brought it all crashing down again.

Lily thought without paying attention to where she was going, and when she looked up, she was standing in front of a gargoyle. Namely, Dumbledore's office. She smiled and leaned in to the gargoyle.

'Would you let me in, please?' The gargoyle winked and allowed her passage into the staircase above.

X

'Ah, Ms. Evans. I thought I might see you today.'

'Yes, Professor… I actually didn't mean to come here.' Lily admitted this without the slightest bit of shame or embarrassment. Dumbledore mused silently to himself that lily was not a girl who was easily embarrassed or easily ashamed. She took responsibility for her actions, and she stood by them. She was strong in a way that others were weak, and he respected that.

'Sometimes, Ms. Evans, our feet lead us to the very place we need to go, without us ever realizing it. Saltwater taffy?'

'Oh, thank you. I used to eat these all the time as a child.'

'Ah, the joys of childhood. I miss them often.' There was an infinite sadness in his eyes that Lily did not comment upon. 'Now, Ms. Evans, I'm sure there is another reason for your being here than taffy and childhood.'

'Well, yes. I wanted to talk to you about what happened to me, so long ago, and why no one is acting on it. And also, I wanted to know- why did you pick me for Head Girl?' At this question, which seemed slightly desperate, Dumbledore steepled his hands as is his habit and smiled at Lily.

'Lily, I did not choose you for Head Girl because of who you were. I chose you for Head Girl because of who you are, and what you have done for this school. And before you ask- no, I did not choose you to promote muggleborns in this school.'

'How- how- how did you know?'

'_How_ I know is not what matters, _what_ I know matters. I know that you are a brilliant witch, Lily, one with a future that even I cannot guess at. I also know that you will overcome most and many obstacles thrown in front of you, and that is why I instated you as Head Girl.'

Lily simply gazed at Dumbledore in wonder.

'I wanted to thank you, Professor. For not telling anyone what has happened to me. As I'm sure you know, I've told Ara. But thank you for letting me make that my decision.'

'Lily, it was not my place to tell those things. But I'd like to point out that secrets lead to bigger problems than simply deciding whom to tell. That, alas, is a conversation for another day. I'm actually rather thrilled that you entered my office, as I was about to summon you. I surmise you read the paper this morning? It seems to be your daily habit.'

'Yes, professor, I did. Are you referring to the Surrey attack?' Lily didn't comment on the fact that her Headmaster knew that she read the paper every morning without fail.

'Yes. In light of this most recent attack, I have decided to create a new class. It will be carried on out of the regular school hour, and it will be by invitation only. Tell me, Ms. Evans, what do you dream to do when you leave school?'

'Well, Professor, I was hoping to become an auror.'

Dumbledore beamed at her. 'As I thought you would. I would like to ask you to attend the first meeting of this class. It will be held Tuesday night in the classroom across from the Kitchens. I'm sure you know where that is?'

Lily squirmed- she had made the trip to the Kitchens very often- and very often after curfew. On the outside, however, she remained calm and collected.

'I do, Professor.'

'Excellent. If you will meet me there Tuesday night, you and a group of students will learn more about what it is.' Recognizing this as her cue to leave, Lily stood and turned.

'Thank you, Professor. For making me Head Girl.'

Another beam, and Lily left.

XXX

So here it is, chapter 1. I hope you enjoy the less clichéd characters of Lily and James. I got really fed up with the loud, popular lily and I wanted a more mysterious character. Next chapter:

'Welcome to what I hope will be your most challenging class this year.'

X

'You have _got_ to be kidding me!'

X

There was a flash of light and a bang, and then all James saw was darkness.

X

I will try and release a new chapter each week.

Please read, and review!


	2. A Rush Of Blood To The Head

Hard To Find

**Hard To Find**

L'amoureuse

Lily Evans and her best friend Arabella Figg were often noted as brilliant and beautiful loners, girls who were mysterious in every way. Golden boy James Potter and his best friends were always in the center of attention. How can these two unlikely characters ever fall in love? Slightly AU.

Chapter 2- A Rush Of Blood To The Head

'Welcome to what I hope will be your most challenging class this year.'

It was Tuesday, two days after the slap and the conversation in Dumbledore's office. Lily looked around at the ten or so students sitting in the large room, and wondered for the millionth time what they were doing there. Present were she; Arabella; James; Sirius; Remus; Marlene McKinnon, a Ravenclaw; Tom Cavendish, a Slytherin; Susan Bones, another Ravenclaw; Libby Plath, a Hufflepuff; and Marisa Maddox, another Slytherin. All were seventh years, and as Lily looked around, she realized that the group consisted of the brightest minds of the seventh year.

'You are all here because you are the brightest, fastest minds of your year. You are the top ten of the seventh year, and you are now officially in an advanced program. It doesn't matter what your goals are for after graduation, this program will help you. We will study advanced magic, in all branches. We will meet three times a week, in this classroom, and I will attempt to teach you what you need to survive in the world outside. How many of you plan to become aurors?' All the hands rose. 'This program will prepare you for auror training in a way that not even your NEWT's will. You have been warned, and you may leave if you feel that you cannot continue.' There was a heavy silence, but it was not broken by anyone leaving. The feeling of intelligence that had been present before was now stronger, with a current of magic that ran through it.

'Today, we will begin with what I consider the hardest part of magic: invention. I will assign you partners, and with those partners you will attempt to create a spell in the area I give you. You will have one week to meet and to create the spells as needed. In one week, we will test them.' The group stirred and looked around. 'Here are the partners: Arabella with Libby, Remus with Marlene, Lily with Sirius, James with Tom, and Susan with Marisa. You may sit with you partners and I will assign you an area of magic.'

'You have got to be kidding me!' James muttered under his breath to Sirius. The rest of the class, however, did not feel the need to complain. With an indifferent expression on her face, Lily stood and walked over to Sirius.

'Lily Evans, right?' As if he didn't know already.

'Obviously.' Unaffected by her indifference, Sirius continued talking.

'It would really suit me if we could have to make a Transfiguration spell. Obviously you'd rather have Charms, but that's only because you're so good at them. I wouldn't mind Defense, either.'

'Charms would be nice. I actually have already created some spells for Charms, so I feel like I could make another. We could always recycle one of the ones I already made…' Lily had spoken without thinking about one of the only topics she truly enjoyed, but made herself shut up when she saw the look on Sirius's face.

'You've _created_ spells already?' his was a tone of quiet awe.

'It's not that big of a deal, really.' She blushed faintly. Sirius did a double-take. Had Lily Evans just _blushed_? Of all the things. The only facial expressions he saw her with were one of scorn or of blank indifference.

'What have you created?'

'Well there was one that combined a basic healing spell with a blood clotting spell, because I found that even when I healed a wound, the vessels would continue to bleed inside the wound, causing bruising. That one was easy, I just combined different variations of the two spells until I found one that worked. The one that interested me most was one I created in fifth year. It's a nonverbal and it either speeds up or slows things down, depending on the ending you use. I found it very practical in many settings… What? Why are you looking at me like that?'

'Come on, Lily. You created a nonverbal spell in fifth year? What is it, by the way?'

'Its _celeritasa_ to speed it up, and _celeritaso_ to slow it down. In addition to saying it clearly in your mind, you need to envision yourself poking with your wand in either a jerky or a slow manner, depending on the result you want-' Lily was cut off when Dumbledore approached their table.

'Lily, I know you have several spells already created, but I'd appreciate it if you did not use them for this particular assignment. I would like you two to create a countercurse to whichever curse you desire. If you want, you can create a curse and a countercurse to accompany it. Good luck.'

Lily looked over at Sirius, who was still looking at her in shock.

'Do you mind if I try your spell before we start?'

'Not at all. I practiced it myself, and Ara did it, but I haven't found anyone else to apply it. I'd like to see if it being nonverbal makes it harder. I find it more practical for being in battle.' She casually conjured up a ball and tossed it high.

Lily then watched- as did the whole class, who had heard their exchange- as the ball came back down slowly and gracefully. She looked at Sirius with a challenge in her eyes, and the ball abruptly fell to the ground quickly- too quickly.

'It works perfectly.'

'I hoped it would. Do you like it?'

'It certainly could be practical for the tr- certain things.'

'For the Whomping Willow?'

Sirius looked at her in shock.

'Oh don't make that face,' Lily snapped, 'how you expect me not to know is beyond me. You all flaunt it, with your little pet names and your references. In fact, if I were you, I would be a little more careful about what you say. Didn't you learn anything from the Snape incident?'

'How on earth do you know all of this?'

'The only thing I don't know is how you don't get caught, and what shapes you take. I've figured you and Peter out, but I can't figure Potter out. You're a dog and he's a rat, correct?'

The casual release of what Sirius had thought a well-kept secret shocked him enough to nod once.

'Well I'm an animagus too, which is why it wasn't hard to figure out. Don't make that face, it was necessary in my- never mind. Let's just make this bloody spell. I've had some ideas in mind for a curse, but I'd like to know what you think first.'

But Sirius wasn't about to let the conversation drop.

'I'd like to know how you know all of this.'

'Come on Sirius, we both know that I'm intelligent enough to put two _a nd_ two together. And Padfoot, Wormtail and Moony aren't exactly the most stealthy of nicknames, are they? But Prongs- well, it doesn't matter how I know, it matters what I know.' Lily smiled faintly at the familiar expression. 'I'm not going to tell anyone, Sirius. I know how it is to keep a secret.'

'I won't even ask, Lily. But- wait.' Sirius's mind snapped back to a previous comment. '_You_ are an animagus?'

'Like I said, it was necessary.' As they spoke in hushed undertones, Lily was rapidly taking notes, writing and crossing things out in equal rapidity.

'What's you're form?'

'If you pay attention, maybe you'll figure it out. Now- any thoughts for a curse?'

X

One week later, the ten students were again in the room across from the kitchens. When they filed in, however, there was no five minutes of talk as there had been the past few classes. Rather, all of the students found their partners immediately to put finishing touches on the spells.

It was amazing how much things could change in the space of one week, really. In one week, the ten had come to know each other quite well. In fact, the only two that did not get along were Lily and James, who still lapsed into frequent arguments. Lily and Sirius had become surprisingly close after hours on end in the library, trying to create both a curse and a counter curse.

'Do you remember everything?'

'Of course I do, Sirius. I'm the least likely to forget, anyway.' Lily's tone was short as she snapped at Sirius, but he answered with humor in his tone.

'You don't have to be rude. I know you enjoy that whole… mysterious thing, but being rude is so not as cool as being mysterious.'

'Well what if the spell doesn't work? And I don't enjoy being mysterious; I'm simply a private person. Tell your big-headed friend to stop eavesdropping before I test out our curse on him.'

Shaking his head, Sirius walked over to James.

'Mate, will you stop listening all the time? I swear, that girl has eyes in the back of her head. It's weird.'

'How do you stand her? She's bloody insufferable.'

'No, she's not. I like Lily.' James's jaw closed with an audible snap. 'And there are a lot of things that you don't know about her- that you've never bothered to ask. I don't know why you and her can't get along when you are so bloody alike it's amazing.'

'Did you just compare me to that- that- know-it-all prig who can't keep her nose out of other people's business?'

'Don't you think that's a bit rich, Potter, coming from you? Considering you were the one listening to our conversation five minutes ago.' Lily had strolled over, and from the looks of it, she was ready for a fight.

'And you were listening just now, so I am still right.' Lily rolled her eyes.

'No, I was coming to get my partner when I heard my name. So I listened- it's a natural response. If there is anyone who's a know-it-all prig, Potter, it's you. You go around all day acting like you own this place only because you think other people like you. One day, though, you'll realize that no one likes you- they like what you can do for them.' James's eyes narrowed and he tightened his grip on his wand. Those were fighting words, and he and everyone else watching (namely the whole class), knew that. When James spoke his tone was colder and quieter than before.

'The day I realize that is the day that you realize that you have no one in this world. You're all alone in your fantasy that you actually mean something- and I want to be there when you finally notice that fact.' James smirked cruelly and then faltered when he noticed Lily's eyes spark with sadness- and then cold fury. He regretted his words the minute Lily opened her mouth.

'You think you're smart, Potter? You think that daddy's connections are going to give you everything you want? Well when you say that I have a fantasy that I mean something, you're wrong. That fantasy is reserved exclusively to you. People don't crowd you because you are good at Quidditch or good-looking. People crowd you because you have a trust fund and powerful connections. Open your eyes and notice what everyone else has known for years- _you_ are alone. I may not have as many admirers as you, but I have a friend that loves me for who I am, not what I can do for her. How many people can you say the same for in your life? Next time you want to insult me, Potter, pick something that will actually hurt me. Not something that I can just use against you. Because Sirius is right, Potter. We are alike. But the main difference is that I work for what I want. And when I get what I want, I can say that I deserved it. Do you think you're here because you deserve to be? What a _joke_.'

'That will be enough.' Dumbledore's cold voice jerked them back to the present. For most in attendance, it was the longest speech they had ever heard Lily make, as well as the angriest they had ever seen her. 'You are the Head's of the school. If you cannot get along, do not come to this class at all. If you two will stop bickering, we will continue.'

Lily stalked off to her seat, tossed her head, and sat down. James, who hadn't even realized he had stood up, sat as well.

'Now that that scene is finished, I'd like to have you come up here in pairs and present what you have created. We will then test them. If they function properly, you will be rewarded in the next assignment. If they do not, you will need to rework- and represent them until they do. First up will be James and Tom, who created a Charms spell.'

James, still visibly angry, stood stiffly. 'Tom and I created a Charm that, when used effectively, will cloud the opponent's five senses. Until the caster lifts the spell, or the opponent uses the correct nonverbal spell, they will not be able to see, hear, touch, smell, or taste anything.'

Tom Cavendish, an attractive Slytherin, took over. 'The spell is _Claudo Voluntas_. The emphasis is on the _au_ sound and on the _as_ sound in _voluntas_. I will now demonstrate it on James.' The demonstration went smoothly enough, and Lily filed the spell away for future use.

Arabella and Libby, who were assigned Transfiguration, created a spell that when used properly, could transform individual body parts. Susan and Marisa had been assigned to create a potion, and they had made a potion that sent the drinker into a deep state of befuddlement. The practical thing about the potion was that it could be administered as a vapor as well as a liquid. Along with the potion, they had also created a potion to counteract the effects. Remus and Marlene had been told to create a Charm as well. They had created a charm that could make objects move swiftly in a straight line, _waddiwasi_. Finally, it was Lily and Sirius's turn.

'We created a curse and a counter curse for that curse. Our curse is quite simple, it simply irritates the membrane of the eyes so that the cursed can't see properly but is also in pain.' Lily twiddled her wand as she spoke softly, her eyes never leaving it.

'The counter curse releases the cursed from the effects, but we added something else. If cast properly, it will turn the curse back onto the original caster. I will demonstrate on Lily. When you're ready, Lily?' She nodded at Sirius, still idly twirling her wand between her hands. '_Inflammo Lumen_!' The class gasped as Lily's eyes turned red, and her lips parted in a soundless gasp. It looked as she was going to drop her wand when-

'_Apero Alica_!' Now Sirius was clawing at his face and making a groaning noise. With a wave of her wand, his eyes cleared. The class- and James- had not failed to notice that Lily, a small and slender girl, had not made a noise, but that Sirius, tall and robust, had groaned. Sirius had not failed to notice that either.

'Alright, Lily?'

'I'm fine, Ara. You know I've had worse.' Lily smiled reassuringly at her friend before sitting down again.

'I'd like to congratulate you all on your fine accomplishments, and I hope that you will all remember what you saw today. Class dismissed.'

They filed out of the classroom and dispersed towards their individual towers. As the Gryffindors walked up towards the tower, they chatted about the lesson.

'Lily- where did you get the idea for that curse?' Lily looked up in surprise at Remus Lupin, with whom she had rarely spoken since their patrols the year before.

'I've seen something similar where it's a mental attack. I thought making it physical would make it worse. I was right.' She smiled at Remus to counteract the sharpness of her words. He seemed to understand that the sharpness had nothing to do with him. 'Where did you get your idea?'

'Peeves.'

Lily laughed. James looked up; he had never heard her laugh before. It was a high-pitched tinkle, lovely and delicate. Shaking his head, he turned back to his conversation with Sirius.

'Potter, we have to go patrol now. It's our night.' Lily's voice, which had been warm when speaking with Arabella and with Remus, was now cold and indifferent. James abruptly flashed to their fight earlier that evening, and felt his blood pound. He hadn't gotten the last word.

'Fine. Let's make it quick.'

X

They had split up ten minutes ago; James to do the first floor, Lily to do the Astronomy Tower. The Astronomy Tower had been fairly empty, so Lily disbanded the last of the stragglers and started down to the first floor to help Potter finish. She was turning a corner when she heard voices.

James had been in a narrow corridor outside of the Great Hall when he heard footsteps approaching. His eyes widened when he saw the band of Slytherins approaching. Bellatrix and Narcissa Black, Regulus Black, and Lucius Malfoy. The heads of the Slytherins.

'Five points from each of you for being out after curfew. The dungeons are the other way, so I suggest you turn around and go.'

'As much as we'd love to, we'd much rather entertain you, Potter.'

'Go, and no one has to get hurt.'

'Look around Potter. There's four of us, and only one of you. Who do _you_ think is going to get hurt?'

The fight had begun. With a Stunning spell, James got rid of Regulus. Lucius threw out a spell that knocked him to the ground, but before he could retaliate, he heard a new voice.

'What's going on here?' The Slytherins all flinched when the saw Lily's blazing expression.

'Nothing, Mudblood. Go take a bath, try to wipe the filth off.'

'Fifty points off for bigotry.'

'Mudblood, if you leave now, we won't hurt you. We… promise.'

James seriously hoped she wouldn't leave him in this predicament, but at that point, he didn't know if she would or not.

'_Stupefy_!' He guessed she wasn't leaving. He heard more noises, and then there was a flash of a light and a bang, and all he saw was darkness.

X

Madam Pomfrey was enjoying a cup of tea and the new Celina Warbeck album when she was distracted by a pounding on the door. She threw open the hospital doors to find Lily Evans, the Head Girl with an arm that looked broken, a nose that was pouring blood, and bruises and blood all over her. Behind her, she had levitated and trailed along five bodies, all in bad shape.

_What on earth had happened?_

X

Two hours later, a bloody and agitated- but healed- Lily Evans was speaking to the Headmaster.

'Professor, I'm really sorry that I used some of the spells I did. I understand if you need to take away my badge.'

'Lily, the circumstances allow me to pardon instead of prosecute you for the use of those spells. However, I need to know exactly what you used. Madam Pomfrey is currently unable to wake up Miss Black and Mr. Malfoy. Also, if you saw what they used on Mr. Potter?'

'I don't remember- well, for Bellatrix I think I used a variation on the standard Stunning Spell… made it stronger. Tell Madam Pomfrey to try _ennervatio_, it's worked in the past. As for Malfoy, I used the spell that Potter and Cavendish created. He isn't sleeping, he just has no senses left. And on James,' at the unexpected use of James's first name, Dumbledore's eyes softened, 'I'm pretty sure they used... an Unforgivable, sir.'

XXX

So there's the end of chapter 2. Some drama, some learning, some interaction, some new friendships.

In the next chapter:

'Thank you. Really, I mean it. You didn't have to do what you did.'

X

'Ara, what if I was wrong? If I was… I could never live with myself.'

X

'Stop bloody _following me around_! I don't need this from anyone- especially not _you!_'

X

With one hand he brushed her hair back, and then he leaned in, ever so slowly, to kiss her…

Review please, I'd really appreciate it!


	3. New Soul

Hard To Find

**Hard To Find**

L'amoureuse

A quick thank you to Koffee Krazy, my only reviewer so far. I know that you guys have been reading this story; I've seen the hits. _Any_ comment is something, so please review! It makes my day!

Lily Evans and her best friend Arabella Figg were often noted as brilliant and beautiful loners, girls who were mysterious in every way. Golden boy James Potter and his best friends were always in the center of attention. How can these two unlikely characters ever fall in love? Slightly AU.

Chapter 3- New Soul

'I'm a new soul, I came to this strange world hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take. Since I came here, felt the joy and the fear, finding myself making every possible mistake.' –New Soul, Yael Naim

X

The flick of a lighter, a deep inhale, and a sigh. Smoke released over the line of the horizon. It was the last place James Potter ever expected to find Lily Evans.

Hearing the footsteps behind her, Lily started and turned, her hand halfway behind her back to hide her cigarette.

'Oh, it's just you.' She promptly turned back around and took another deep drag. It was dark at the top of the North Tower; James could barely see her but for the bright orange of her cigarette tip.

'Since when do you smoke?'

'It's a bad habit I picked up from a friend back home. I've been trying to quit. As you can tell, it's not working very well.' Wordlessly, she opened the small gold box and offered one to him. He took it, and leaned in for her to light it for him. Being that close to her… James was momentarily overwhelmed by the green of her eyes and the smell of her skin- which was a mixture of flowers and smoke and paper and books and romance and intrigue- for a moment, they just smoked quietly, each studying the other by light of their cigarette.

'Thank you.' Seeing her unbelieving expression, he continued, 'Really- I mean it. You didn't have to do what you did.'

'Don't mention it. I did what I had to.' Her expression was closed off, and she took another deep drag. Seeing that her cigarette was down to the filter, she promptly lit another off of the butt of the first.

'Lily,' she threw him a sharp glance at the use of her first name, 'why did you do it?'

'Most people stop at thank you, you know.'

'I'm not going to drop it. I'm curious.'

'Potter, this is not a conversation I feel like having right now.'

'Too damn bad, Lily. Last night- well, I should be in much worse shape right now. Thanks to you, I was fit enough to sneak out of the hospital wing. I'd like to know why.'

'I wasn't going to stand by and watch you get hurt. I may be tough on you, and yes, we don't like each other, but I wasn't going to leave you to suffer.' Her voice cracked when she said the word suffer, but she refused to meet his gaze; she flicked her ash over the rampart instead.

'Well thank you. Really.'

And no further words were said, but when Lily finished her second cigarette, she left. James just then noticed that she had smoke two cigarettes in the time it had taken to smoke only one.

X

'I don't know why he's so hell-bent on thanking me. It's becoming ridiculous.' Lily and Arabella were in the library, writing a particularly nasty essay on the ten most practical uses of the Belladonna in modern-day potion-making when Arabella brought up the fact that James had, in fact, been much nicer to Lily as of late.

'He thinks he owes me something, when I did for him what I would have done for anyone. Why he can't get that through his thick skull is utterly beyond me. It's been a week and he won't stop being so- so- bloody _nice_ to me all the time. I don't need it, Ara. It gives me the attention that I've spent _seven years_- seven bloody awful years- trying to get rid of so I can live my life in peace.'

'Look, Lily- I don't understand what he's doing any more than you do. If anything, I understand it less. All I know is that you fought three very powerful wizards to save someone who you don't like- who you have never liked. Now I know that you did what your duty tells you to do, but there's a line between simple Stunning Spells and the duels you fought last night. I know you- I know your power. And you could easily have gotten rid of them. But last night… you were itching for a fight, Lily. And you found it, and you fought for James Potter, something I never thought I'd see you do. So you can say what you want, but James Potter was the luckiest man alive to have you on his side last night.'

'I don't know what came over me, Ara.' Lily's voice was quiet; she had not yet discussed this with her best friend. 'I saw them, and I saw James writhing on the floor, and something inside of me just snapped. I haven't felt like that since- well since you know when. It scares me, but at the same time it felt so good to be fighting- to be fighting against the purebloods. Even if I fought in the name of James Potter. But now he's thanking me and being nice to me and I can't stand it- I don't need him to worship me. At least when we were fighting we were getting something done.'

'Lily, I've known you for seven years, and you have _never_ gotten along with that boy. Maybe if you two stop fighting, you can take this dreary October and do something good. I know! Maybe… a ball? Or something. I don't know. But something to take our minds off of what happened. Speaking of which, what is their punishment?'

'I don't know. It all rests- well it all rests on me, really. If I want to step forward and say I saw them use an Unforgivable, I can. They will either be thrown out or pay a whole lot of gold. If I step down, a couple detentions, at most.'

Arabella Figg was a pureblood, but she had been friends with Lily since the dawn of their Hogwarts days. She had seen numerous fights where Bellatrix and Narcissa and that whole group had thrown filthy words at Lily, and she had never once seen Lily flinch. Something inside of her was yelling for Lily to go out and fight, and accuse, but that wasn't Lily's manner. Lily was calm and cool and she was a firm believer in justice. Not in the government, but in the justice of the world. Lily was wrangling with whether or not it was her place to administer that justice.

'I can't tell you what to do. But if you saw them send those spells at James, then you need to tell the people who ask.'

'But Ara, what if I was wrong? If I was, and if I persecuted them for that, I could never live with myself. You know- you know that I know how it feels to be wrongfully blamed for something- and how hard it was- and is- for me to deal with that. If I did that to them, who's to say that I'm better. I've always lived in this world- in this school- based on the knowledge that I am stronger and better than Bellatrix and her group of friends because of my convictions. But if I do to them what has torn my world up, how can I maintain that conviction?' It took Lily several minutes, and several pauses, to finish her speech, but when she did, Ara looked at her with such understanding and love that Lily hugged her, in the middle of the Library. Ara was the one who had stood by her all these years, and nothing could ever break that bond.

X

The next few weeks passed peacefully enough, with James still thanking Lily and Lily still grappling over the decision she had to make. The school, however, had moved on from the fight and was now buzzing about a whole new story.

James Potter and Lily Evans. At the start of the term, the pair had been sternly cast into roles. James Potter was the affable Golden Boy who could do no wrong, and Lily Evans was the beautiful and brilliant, albeit mysterious second half. At prefect meetings, she ruled quietly and calmly, never letting anyone see what she was really thinking. The only times she seemed truly upset about anything was when James Potter would send a barb at her. Now, however, everything had changed. When word got around that she had saved the Head Boy- and sent three Slytherins for an extended trip to the Hospital Wing- everything and everyone around her changed. People now treated her differently, and Lily hated it. But the biggest change was in the Head Boy. Now, instead of fighting with her, he agreed and listened peacefully. Instead of arguing and raging and storming, he smoothed and placated and mollified. Frankly, Lily was sick of it.

All she had ever seen in James Potter was an opponent. A worthy opponent, but an opponent nonetheless. He posed her a challenge, and he seemed to enjoy their verbal sparring. Now, however, he was little more use than a puppy. Lily wanted out. If this was what it was like to be the Golden Girl of Gryffindor, Lily was done. She was done with the whispers and the smiles and the boys asking her to Hogsmeade, she was done with the interruptions, and she was done with James Potter's strange behavior.

One morning in November, she snapped. She had been calmly discussing Dumbledore's latest class with Sirius, a newfound ally, when James Potter ruined her morning. It went a little something like this:

'If you think about it, though, defensive Charms are very practical. Especially as the harder they get, the less people know about them and the less likely they are to be dismantled.'

'Yes but I still think that Defense is the best way to go when it comes to perimeters. If you set curses and hexes, you can cause some sort of damage as well as a barrier.'

'Certainly that's true, Sirius, but did you ever think that maybe Charms- even defensive ones- can cause harm? Look at the one that Tom and Potter created. It's a charm- if you could figure out how to spread it across a defensive line, then waves and waves of your opponent would be incapacitated before even reaching the camp.'

'Why is he referred to by his first name and me by my last? In case you haven't noticed, I've stopped calling you Evans. I call you Lily now.' James interrupted smoothly before Sirius could make his counter argument.

'Yes, but I only refer to my friends by their first names.' This comment was given free of malice, as a simple comment. It could have been about the weather.

James was deeply offended.

'So what, I'm not your friend?'

'No, Potter, you aren't. I don't know you or like you well enough to apply that word to you.'

'Is Sirius your friend?'

'Well yes, he is, but-'

'But what? You work with me. You see me everyday. We are in almost all classes together. We _live_ together, for crying out loud, but I'm not your friend?'

James's tone had risen to a point where people were starting to watch, so Lily grabbed his arm in a vice-like grip and steered him out of the Great Hall.

'Must you make a scene?' She asked wearily, pinching the bridge of her nose between two fingers.

'I'm not making a scene, I just thought that after what happened in October, you'd at least consider me a friend.'

'Look, I stand by what I said in the Great Hall. I don't know you well enough to like you as a friend. And since you started annoying me in first year and haven't let up since, I don't think that that's going to change anytime soon.'

'I don't understand. Why won't you let me in?'

'It's not a matter of _letting you in_, Potter. It's the fact that I. Don't. _Like_. _You_.' Thinking that the conversation was finished, Lily turned on her heel and walked away, only to see James following her.

'Stop bloody _following me around_! I don't need this from anyone- least of all from you.'

'I just want to be your friend, Lily.'

'Correct me if I'm dead wrong, but you don't want to be my friend. You feel like you owe it to me to be my friend, and that's absolute bollocks. The way I see it, I did not save your life; I did not do anything heroic. You simply allowed me to fight Bellatrix Black a hell of a lot sooner than I expected to. So thank you for that. Our business is done.' She turned to leave again.

'Lily-'

She turned around-

With one hand James brushed her hair back, and he leaned in, ever so slowly to kiss her-

She felt a swooping sensation in the pit of her stomach-

They were kissing, moving together in ways that should be illegal-

He had a hand behind her hair, another on her waist-

She had her hand on his neck- it was hot and feverish-

Lily broke away and ran.

X

Thank you all so much for reading this story! I'd mega appreciate it if you left reviews, because they are something that mean enormous amounts to me.

Teasers for next chapter-

'How are things going since the big kiss?' 'Very well, we haven't spoken.'

X

She threw the letter down in distaste and strolled out of the Great Hall. The minute the doors were shut, she broke out running.

X

'I thought I might find you here.'

Enjoy!


	4. This Is Me Now

Hard To Find

**Hard To Find**

L'amoureuse

A quick thank you to all of my reviewers… you guys made my day! Without further ado, here's the fourth chapter. I put up a version of it yesterday but it wasn't what I wanted up, so I revised it into what you're reading now. I hope you'll be surprised! Enjoy! Also, I'd like to warn you guys that the rating is going to go up to M after this chapter… you'll understand soon enough! Read and enjoy, and as always, please review!

Lily Evans and her best friend Arabella Figg were often noted as brilliant and beautiful loners, girls who were mysterious in every way. Golden boy James Potter and his best friends were always in the center of attention. How can these two unlikely characters ever fall in love? Slightly AU.

X

Chapter 4- This Is Me Now

'Lily, could you take a look at these figures?' A brisk nod.

'Lily, could you look over the list I made for the ball?' another brisk nod.

'Lily, could we talk about what happened last week?' Nothing.

Slowly, the clock ticked on.

X

Ara was taking a mock-NEWT when Lily stormed in and dropped all of her things on the bed.

'Why does Potter even _try_ to be my friend? Can't he take the bloody hint and leave me alone?'

'He's trying to be your friend, Lily. Remember those? They do what I do.' Ara's tone was humorous but her gaze was questioning. 'Why won't you at least try?'

'Because he's a prat. And because he kissed me.'

'Way to bury the lead. Do tell, please.' So slowly and painfully, Lily told her story.

'Well that's dead strange. I'm a bit buggered that you waited so long to tell me, but it's alright. Don't worry, really. I understand. But how are things going since the big kiss?'

'Oh, they've been going very well. We haven't spoken. Well, he's spoken. An awful lot, actually- he doesn't shut up. But I don't answer. He gave a whole speech yesterday; quite funny actually. But- well- I don't know.' Lily finished lamely.

'Back to what I said before- why don't you try and be his friend? I know you two don't get along, but I wish you could see it, Lily. The two of you are so alike its absurd.'

'Give me one way in which we are alike.'

'You're both bloody brilliant. You're both stubborn as anything. You both fight for what you believe in, and believe in right and wrong. You're both attractive people, both physically and mentally. You have the same ideas, the same morals, the same beliefs. If you two would stop fighting long enough to notice that, I have a feeling things would be very different around here.'

X

'Welcome to yet another of my classes. I daresay they are becoming boring by now.' Dumbledore looked at his ten students over his glasses and smiled. 'Today, I will give you your biggest challenge yet. We will be dueling in pairs, and hold a tournament. This is not to make you feel poorly about your skills but to see realistically where you are all at. Dueling today will be: Ara and Sirius, and James and Lily. Tomorrow, three other pairs will go. The winners will duel, and so on and so forth. You can use any spell that isn't an Unforgivable. We have Madam Pomfrey on hand to make sure no one suffers… lasting damage.' Dumbledore's eyes twinkled merrily.

'Sirius and Ara, begin!'

Ara looked at Sirius and smirked. She didn't move, she just stood still and watched Sirius. He raised his wand smoothly and quickly but-

A flash of light and the spell was turned back at him-

Ara threw up a shield and the spell that hit her made a loud clang.

She shot another spell at him, and smiled when he crumpled to the ground.

'Ah, very effective. A deviation on the standard Stunning Spell, yes? The one invented by Miss Evans, if I'm not mistaken. Good, good. Can you wake him up, please?' She obliged and pulled him up.

'Bloody hell, girl, you don't mess around.' He smirked, though, and slung an arm around her shoulders before sitting down. Ara looked uncomfortable but- pleased?

'Lily and James, begin.'

Lily stood as Ara had, immobile and smiling. She knew that he wanted badly to beat her, but she knew he wouldn't. She had much, much more experience than he did in this area. He lifted his wand and she nonverbally cast a shield. He moved at the last minute to avoid his deflected spell.

The class looked on in amazement, Lily didn't seem to even be trying. She was playing with him.

Frustrated, James lashed out nonverbally as well, and Lily found herself in the air before-

Bang! James was on the floor. He got up, though, and the duel continued.

Lily continued to go easy on him. After five minutes of James trying to find away around her defenses, she looked at Dumbledore for a split second. He nodded and smiled.

The next second, James was on the floor.

X

It was a quiet morning; the week after the Heads meeting and Lily's disquieting conversation with Ara, and a day or two after the duel.

'Hello, Lily.'

'Oh hi, Sirius. How are you?'

'I'm good. The same as always, really. Yourself?'

'I'm fine.' Lily's answer was in clipped tones, making it clear she didn't want to talk about that.

'How've you been holding up since the kiss?' Sirius smirked over his cereal at her.

'Potter told you about that?'

'Yes, he did, and I'm assuming you told Arabella. Correct me if I'm wrong, of course.'

'No, you're right. I just- well I don't understand. We don't even like each other, yet he kisses me right after I'm done telling him off. It's ridiculous. Sirius- you boys are a mystery.'

'The funny thing, Lily, is that most boys think that you're the mystery. Not us- you.'

'Well they're bloody wrong. You blokes are _so confusing_. And I know I'm supposed to be Lily Evans the mystery woman, but honestly- being private doesn't mean I'm a frigid bitch, and I wish people would understand that. I've been through a lot- I don't need their whispers and judgments added to that. And now James Potter kisses me and expects that it'll all be okay. Who dropped him on his head as a child?'

'His mother, I expect.'

'Yes well be sure to thank her for me for causing all of these problems. Can you explain to me why he did it? I mean you two are practically the same person- can you tell me why he attacked me after I called him an idiot?'

'He didn't attack you- I expect he was just trying to thank you. If I were you, I'd get over. He's embarrassed about it- don't get me wrong. But I think that just forgetting it will be the best thing to do.'

'I'll try.' Lily closed the conversation shortly.

A flap of wings announced the owl post. Lily wasn't accustomed to receiving anything, so when a letter landed in front of her, she dismissed it.

'Must be a reminder of something- I don't know. I never get letters from home.'

'What do you mean, you never get letters from home?'

'I don't have a home. One day when we have hours, I'll tell you a story, Sirius.' At Lily's comment, Ara threw her a sharp glance. Lily wasn't often this open about her life. Lily smiled at her to let her see that she wanted- no she needed Sirius to know this about her.

'I don't- I don't understand, Lily.'

'I didn't expect you to. I expected you to-' Lily abruptly quieted, as if the air had been snatched from her very lungs. She had opened the letter and was now looking at it with a mixture of anger, fear, and pity on her face. Sirius, Ara, and James all looked at Lily with a questioning glance on their faces. 'I expected you to drop it.' Lily's tone was no longer cheerful, it was angry and cold.

'Are you okay, Lily?'

'James Potter, when I need your help and your comfort, I'll ask for it.' James actually flinched at the malice and hatred running through Lily's words. 'But don't hold your breath- I won't ever ask. God, you think I need you for every little thing- oh, Lily is upset, let's infiltrate my way in. Well I don't need you, Potter. I never will. Whereas you clearly need me, don't you.' Lily smirked, but this was the first time that anybody had seen Lily so upset; her hands were shaking but her voice was a steady and as cold as ice.

'I wasn't-'

'Of course you weren't, Potter.' Her tone was scathing. She threw the letter down in distaste, and calmly strolled out of the Great Hall. The minute the doors were closed, she took off running.

Ara read the letter and paled dramatically. She rose to go after Lily when-

'I'll go.'

'Sirius?' Her tone was undoubtedly a challenge.

'Look, I just- I know what its like to have family problems. If I figured right, I can help her with this. You'll go after, Figg. Just please- please leave this to me.' He walked away before she could answer.

'What on earth just happened?' A pale Remus Lupin had just walked up to the table. Leaving James the task of explaining, Ara walked away.

X

Sirius's first stop was the dorms to find Lily with the Marauder's Map. When he located her in the North Tower, he took off sprinting.

'Hey, Lily.' His voice broke her out of her reverie. She was smoking and sitting on the rampart. Her feet were dangling into the void that spread out, inky blackness hiding the ground.

'Hey, Siri. How did you find me?'

'I had some help. Want to tell me what's wrong? I didn't read the letter, but I assume that had something to do with it.'

'I- I'd rather not talk about it.'

'I think you'll find that talking about it is the best way to feel better.'

'I suppose- well, it's a long story. Get comfortable.' It was clear that if Lily was going to do this, she was going to do it her way.

'When I was six, my parents were killed. I didn't know yet that magic existed, so I didn't understand who the men in black cloaks were and what the green serpent over the house meant. My sister and I- yes, I have a sister- we were placed into an orphanage. The two years I spent there were- and still are- the worst memories I have of life. I don't make friends easily, so when I went there it was hard to get along with people. And they were constantly coming and going- my only ally was Petunia, my sister. When I turned eleven, that all changed. Dumbledore came to see me- he told me the truth about the night my parents had died, and that not all magic was as evil as the one I saw that night. He told me that there was a way to escape the orphanage- a way to be free for ten months a year. I didn't have to pay, that was taken care of, and I could leave right away. That left the problem of my sister. Because of the death of my parents, she distrusted magic and magical folk immediately. She offered me an ultimatum- her or Hogwarts. For a month I couldn't choose. My family or escape? In the end, another student pushed me to leave when she told me that if I stayed with Petunia forever, I'd always regret not going. So I left and from then on, my sister made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me. In two years, I lost my home, my parents, and my sister. But I also gained Ara and Hogwarts- something I'll never regret. Every summer, I go back to the orphanage and live there for two months in misery. I never visit anyone, and I never get adopted. No one wants me, not back then and not now. The letter I just got is one informing me that I can't go back- ever. You can read it if you want, Ara'll have it.'

Sirius blew out a breath.

'Lily, I know you think you're the only one with a bad situation. No, I'm not saying that to be mean- my situation is nothing like yours. And yet, we're so alike. You told me what I suppose is your biggest secret, so I'll tell you one of mine. I've been disowned by my family. Bellatrix Black- well she's my cousin. No, not just a popular last name. And Regulus Black is my brother. My entire family- they're obsessed with pure blood. And when I rebelled, well that didn't go over well. I mean, my childhood was never what I'd call idyllic, but I had a home and a family, no matter how much I hated both. Then last summer, I got in a huge fight with Regulus. Broke his wrist and his nose and his cheekbone, actually. But they kicked me out. I've been living with the Potter's since.'

Lily just looked at him.

'I don't care, you know. I don't care who you're related to. The thing is, Sirius- I consider you a friend now, and I hope that's alright.'

'It's more than alright Lily- it's good.'

X

'I thought I might find you here.'

'You were right.'

'You really shouldn't smoke.'

'You really shouldn't talk.'

James chuckled quietly. 'Want to tell me what that was all about?'

'Not particularly, no.'

'Well just know that- despite all of my imperfections and annoyances, I am here for you. As a friend- even if that friendship isn't returned. But you were there for me when I needed you most, and I won't ever forget that. You know, we've known each other for seven years. And for seven years, I've wondered who the hell you are. You're such a mystery, Lily, but it's one of the things I like the most about you. I do wish you'd let people in. not just me- anyone. I know you have Arabella, and now Sirius apparently, but- well, you need more people in your life. I don't know if I'm one to talk, considering three best friends is all I need, but I do know that the relationships I've built with them are the most important things in my life. Just think about it, Lily- now come on, let's get you in bed.'

He leaned up and gently but firmly gripped her arm. In empty silence, they walked back to the dorms from the North Tower, where Lily had been hiding. James's hand slid down her arm to her hand and Lily shivered. She hadn't felt like that in a long time, and it came as a surprise. They walked into the room, still quiet. Not a word had passed between them since James's speech, and when James looked down at Lily, he could see her thinking.

They walked up to the landing before parting ways for their separate rooms- the one practical thing about sharing the Heads Room was the privacy- when Lily reached up and kissed James.

Now, James had been the one to initiate their last kiss, and he had liked that one a whole lot. At the time, he hadn't been sure why he kissed her. He figured that it was his way of thanking her for what she had done, and his thanks had been manifested as a kiss. This time, it was all Lily. Maybe she was thanking him for coming to get her; he wasn't sure. Maybe she was letting him in- but that was ridiculous. Lily Evans would never let him in. No matter the reason, all he knew was that the kiss was mind-blowing. What he didn't expect was for them to walk up into his room and take the kiss a whole lot further.

X

Bright sunlight was a harsh reminder that Lily hadn't closed her bed drapes last night. She felt a pounding headache, as if she had a hangover- but wait, that couldn't be right, she hadn't gone anywhere last night- and she hadn't gotten drunk by herself for a while now. So how? Lily was all too soon aware of a warm form pressed against her, holding her close to a warm, muscular chest.

_Who on earth-_

Lily almost- almost screamed when she saw James Potter in bed next to her.

_I slept with James Potter?_ Of course she had been feeling upset last night, but to just turn to James Potter for some feel-better sex was something she never had expected to do. The letter from the orphanage had given way to some awfully messy emotions, and they came rushing back as she remembered the letter.

_Ms. Evans,_

_We regret to inform you that since your sister has left the orphanage, we can no longer offer you place here. As you may remember, the deal was made with the state that you would remain as long as your sister did. Now that she has left, we can no longer legally keep you here. However, you are not yet eighteen, which poses a problem. We cannot offer you a room here; we can only hope that you will find a suitable living situation. The payment for your school does not need to be taken care of, as the state left enough gold for you to finish your last year. Best of luck to you,_

_The Goldfinch Orphanage_

That was it. One letter and her entire life had been stripped away. One letter and she had no family, no home. It was only natural that she had seeked the comfort and oblivion of a male's arms. But James Potter's? That was going too far.

Slowly, quietly, sneakily, Lily crept out of bed, realizing that she was naked. This only further intensified her feelings of _oh no what have I done I'm screwed now I slept with James Potter for crying out loud he isn't even a friend and now I'm so screwed oh shit oh shit oh shit oh fuck_.

She walked into her room, locked the door, and thought.

Meanwhile, James Potter was waking up from the strangest dream. And then he realized that his sheets were gone, he was naked, and he had slept with a certain Lily Evans last night.

_Fuck_.

X

I know, I know. But I was really interested in making their relationship progress physically at first, and then catch up emotionally. In the next couple of chapters you'll see the ball, Christmas, and some more interaction between Lily and Sirius and James and Remus and… well every other character! Please don't crucify me for their sleeping together! And I hope I explained some of Lily's character with her background- the duel was meant to show how powerful she is.. I'll explain that later. More went on in that orphanage than she lets on. If I don't get any reviews, you guys will have to wait a week for the next chapter- not a day!

Please review!

Some teasers for next chapter-

'You didn't have to get me a present.' 'I know, but I wanted to.'

X

His heart burst into jealous beats and he saw red when he saw them kiss.

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'God, James- it meant nothing. Don't look at me like that- you just want an excuse to be mad at me. I won't give it to you.'

X

'Still want to know what shape I take?'


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